i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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