He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
