I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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