Need sex. Gaining weight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
