i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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