Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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