i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
