Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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