i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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