MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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