New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My dick has a subreddit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
