This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
