I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
