he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize