Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
