he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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