Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
