Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
