I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
