just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
