either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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