worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
