I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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