The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
