Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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