i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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