Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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