Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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