See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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