I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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