Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
