A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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