I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I look better un-naked...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
