I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
