Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
