There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
