I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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