You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
