I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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