Me too!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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