Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this just has baby written all over it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
