pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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