so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
