I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
