so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
