my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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