I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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