Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
