I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
