I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
