she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
