Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
