I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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