That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
