So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
