So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
