I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
