I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
