I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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