Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
