I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
