Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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