I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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