hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
