ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just brought a live lobster to the party.