he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me