Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.