Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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