My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.