hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
