I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
