I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
