She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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