I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
