well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
