Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
