She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
