you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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