if i can run in heels then i can drive
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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