well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
