Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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