no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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