the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
