Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
