Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
