So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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