When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
