I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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