Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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