he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
