actually, I'm a sock model
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
