The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
