I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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